look-alike

god, i'm bored and sleepy. you know, we spend less than 24 hours researching for our debate competition?? and we did rather(KINDA) decently. i don't care about SMI. they got what they deserve. i think they did gazillion of research cause they seem really well prepared. the TCS girls. uhh.... yeah, we did 'stuff'. but i don't care. god, i stopped caring once the competition started. and especially so when shankarii fumbled. you know we're screwed if she herself is lost for words.. *sigh* it would have been nice to win. i could brag to my friends, go kl, meet new people. BUT i just cannot do anymore last minute research. i cannot write anymore god damn scripts. i just can't. so i'm terribly greatful that we lost. its a merciful thing to just release us from our misery. its fun while it lasted but i just can't do it anymore. its all SPM's fault really. eh, i'm in fear. we don't have much days left till the deadline is over and i'm screwed.. what had i studied??? what did i revised???? uhhhmmm.. uhhhmm.. oh, good night. i don't care anymore. me need sleep : P muahahaha

i feel like ranting after not blogging for awhile

sleepy and probably sad too. i dunno. mixed emotion??

there's this boy that i like in my tuition class but i don't know if its worth liking him. he's cute in my opinion. totally smart. and almost everything i want in a guy but the problem is, i dunno, maybe he already have a girlfriend. and i'm this loser pinning on him when he's happy with another girl. woah, ho ho, darling, you're such a loser. and urghh...i'm too shy to approach him. way too shy. i'll probably die first. i like to believe he has something for me too cause sometimes it looks like he's looking at me(maybe he thinks i'm weird?). but nah. maybe not. most probably not. i'm just a fool. a stupid stupid fool. so i pray that i'll meet someone who can make me happy. so i asked for the wrong thing. i should had said, i hope the person who will make me happy comes and talk to me. that's it. but now i have to wait another week. and honestly, i'm getting sick of waiting with no results.

to think about it, one of the most important event of my whole life is coming soon. the dreaded SPM. hahaha.. and i'd done nothing much to ensure that i'll get all A's. girl, what's wrong wit chu???????? maybe i don't care anymore? ugh, who am i kidding?? of course i effing care! it's the only chance for me to get out of this misery-land. if i do well, excel at the scholarship interviews, i'll have a huge chance of going out of this country. hell, going out of ipoh for starters is enough. i just wanna start afresh. a new life where i'm incharge! i'm sick of ipoh. not that i hate it. i actually like the small city appeal but lord, i just wanna see the world, expand my mind and feel happy and free.

contrary to what most people think, i actually believe that if i have a good supportive boyfriend now, i'll do better for SPM. cause then i have somebody to make me feel more calm and happy. ugh, i wish the boy will just talk to me. its pathetic. i'm pathetic. this is sad. lol. i can laugh and cry over it but i can't cause i'm fasting today so i'm saving my energy.

i like fasting. even though it kinda zaps my energy out for awhile, i feel good cause i don't eat too much. hahaha.. there's this girl at my school who seems to suffer from genuine anorexia or something. keep on fainting cause she just refuse to eat thinking she's fat when she's the size of a frigging tooth pick. uhm, maybe i should adopt some of that idea. lol. i could stand to lose some weight. maybe he thinks i'm totally fat, that's why he's staring at me all the time?? could be. perhaps. ughhh.... : ' (